Shaving Is Hell

Shaving. Damn it. Yesterday’s face easy smooth as infant ass. Today, no shave. Still smoothish. Tomorrow, shave or no shave? Getting baby bottom face is a struggle. Fresh blade’s good. Hot hot hot water good. Wrapping head in hot wet towel? Good. Sinking up to nostrils in boiling hot bath? Good. But work. Then, which direction? With whiskers doesn’t yield newborn buttocks closeness. Against whiskers does. But...against whiskers spawns ingrown hairs. (Do babies have those?) And then: Missed a spot. Go back. Re-scrape. How do those hairs grow in so many differections? If today is close enough, no need to scrape tomorrow. But when tomorrow becomes today, how to decide? And what if there’s just no shaving at all? Starting to reveal the inner Sterno bum. Inconsistent infantass intoleration disinterative facing up to facts of no way to make it always so. Damn it. Shaving. My life is a hell.